Throughout life there are many transitions, moments of uncertainty, moments when you feel as if everything you know is changing, when you can feel yourself changing – and it’s scary. I’m going into my second year of university now, and I can feel the world moving around me as it has been doing for around a year now. It’s scary, that everything is changing so quickly; things that were once important no longer matter. It’s also exhilarating to think that I have my whole life ahead of me and so many opportunities.
Sometimes I’ll stop and consider the last year, and I quite honestly wonder how I managed to get to where I am now. It’s only now that I’m learning to love life in all its messiness that I can really appreciate how much I was missing out on before. I pushed people away, convinced that I didn’t need friends, because I couldn’t allow myself vulnerability. I was aware that I was missing some vital element in my life, and I was even aware that I did want a closeness with people, but I wouldn’t allow myself to just be myself and not care about the consequences.
That’s changed a lot this year. For the first time in a long time I feel that I have friends who really do care about what I’m thinking and feeling, and they accept me for who I am and put up with my craziness. Clichés aside, that’s something huge for me, to feel like I belong and that I don’t have to try to fit in with the expectations of people around me. It’s made me a better, more confident person. I feel like I’m more comfortable in myself; I don’t take myself so seriously because I don’t worry so much about what other people think.
One of the things that has had a big impact on my shift in attitude is discovering Team Starkid. The easiest way to describe them is as a theatre group, although between them they have so many projects going on that it makes me feel incredibly lazy and unproductive. They are probably best known for their musical trilogy based around the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling, the first of which is entitled, A Very Potter Musical. They are all wonderfully talented people, but more than that, they appear to be incredibly driven, and very hard-working. They have done so much with themselves since graduating, and have created it all from scratch, admittedly with a lot of luck, but also a lot of smart. I can’t hold a candle to the fangirls of the world, but I do have a huge amount of respect for them and their work.
They’ve helped me to realise that it’s okay to do what you love and take risks, and that life isn’t always about being sensible, that sometimes it’s about living in the moment, because you don’t know how tomorrow will change you. They’ve helped me recognise that home isn’t always a place, but a feeling. They’ve helped motivate me to take every opportunity, not to get caught up in the idea of failure, but to focus on success.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that we should enjoy change, not fear it. No matter how difficult things might seem, your experiences are what shape your life, and the smallest of things may have the most amazing consequences. Embrace the good things, and the bad things, and all those things in between that throw your emotions up in the air, so high that you don’t know where they’ll land until they land. Learn to laugh at yourself; learn to love yourself.
It’s not going to be easy, but nothing worth having comes easily.